Anonymous is caught between a mother she wants to protect and a home she cannot afford to lose.
Katlego Sekhu
A listener shares that her brother has been living with a nyaope addiction for seven years. As the youngest of three siblings, she has quietly carried most of the weight, paying for two rounds of rehabilitation and twice opening her home to him, hoping a change of environment would make a difference. Both times, he relapsed.
Now her mother’s health is deteriorating, and the stress of living with her brother is being blamed for the decline. Her aunts are calling on her to step in again. Her older brother has stepped back, citing tensions in his own home. Once again, the responsibility has landed at her door.
But this time, things are different. She has just had her second child. She is stretched thin, trying to care for a newborn, show up for her husband and older child, and hold together the peace she has built in her own home.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots she might be missing, and whether choosing to protect her own home is something she is allowed to do.
“Uncle T, my brother has been struggling with nyaope addiction for seven years. I’m the youngest of three, and I’ve tried to support him as much as I can, especially seeing how much this has broken our mother. I’ve paid for rehab twice, and both times he relapsed soon after coming home.
“After his first rehab, I had just gotten married and asked my husband if he could stay with us, hoping a new environment would help. My husband agreed, but he relapsed. The same happened after the second rehab.
“Since he went back home, my mother’s health has been declining, and the stress is taking a serious toll on her. My aunts are asking me to take my brother in again, saying his behaviour is too much for them and that if I don’t step in, my mother’s condition could worsen.
“My older brother says he can’t help because it would create problems at home, since his wife and our mother already have a difficult relationship, and bringing my brother into that environment would create even more conflict. So now, everyone is looking to me.
“The problem is, I’ve just had my second child. I’m exhausted, trying to care for my newborn, be present for my husband and kids, and protect the peace in my home. The thought of bringing my brother back fills me with anxiety because I know how it ended before. At the same time, I feel torn. Part of me wants to do it for my mother, to ease her burden while she’s unwell. But another part of me feels angry that this responsibility keeps falling on me, after everything I’ve already done.
“Now I feel trapped between being a daughter who wants to help her mother, a wife and a mother who needs to protect her own family. If I say yes for my mother’s sake, am I helping my family or sacrificing my home to carry a burden no one else is willing to carry? Is this where I also protect the peace in my home?”
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