Anonymous feels his wife holds him to a standard she is no longer willing to hold herself to
Katlego Sekhu
A listener shares that when he and his wife first got together, she made her position clear. She was not comfortable with him maintaining close friendships with women, feeling he was too accessible, even with female colleagues. Out of respect for her, he adjusted.
Five years into their marriage, things feel different. His wife has started a new job, and one male colleague has become a recurring presence in their home conversations. Not through anything obvious, but through the small things. The jokes she repeats. The stories she brings home.
She has reassured him. Told him he was overthinking it, that it was purely professional, and asked whether he trusted her.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if he is being unfair for questioning this, and whether a standard that only applies to one person in a marriage is really a standard at all.
“Uncle T, when my wife and I first got together, she was very clear; she wasn’t comfortable with me having close female friends. She felt I was too accessible, even with colleagues. And out of respect for her, I adjusted. I created distance. I let certain friendships fade… not because I wanted to, but because I prioritised her and our relationship. Fast forward five years into our marriage…and now things feel different.
“She’s started a new job, and there’s one male colleague who seems to come up a lot. It’s in the small things, the jokes she repeats, the stories she shares, how often his name finds its way into our conversations. It’s subtle…but it’s consistent. So I brought it up, calmly. Not accusing, not attacking. I simply reminded her of where we started… of the boundaries I respected for her, and of how she is now doing what she felt she wasn’t comfortable with me doing.
“She brushed it off. Said I have nothing to worry about. That it’s purely professional. That I’m overthinking it. But right there, I told her, this is a double standard. It’s not even about him. It’s about the shift of goal posts. It’s about how something that once mattered so much to her… now suddenly doesn’t seem to apply the same way.
“When she said, “Don’t I trust her?” Right there, something didn’t feel right. I feel I let go of great friendships because of love, and that sacrifice is not reciprocated. She wants us to go on a double date, with the same colleague, him and his girlfriend, not even a wife, a girlfriend. I said NO. She’s upset. I feel this is a double standard that must not be ignored. Am I being unfair for questioning this? She can’t change rules mid-game, where else is she going to apply this double standard in the future?”
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